Minions Are Likely Responsible For Crimes Against Humanity

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The funny yellow tic-tacs known as Minions that make up a majority of your aunt’s Facebook posts could have been responsible for the greatest tragedies and war crimes ever.

After the Second World War, many former Nazis and collaborators were taken to court for their role in the atrocities of the war. From this was born the idea of banal evil. Simply following orders without much thought as to what it led to. The Minions are the modern day version of this, presented to children as fun little friendly fellows.

While they’re currently the underlings doing unpaid work for evil mastermind Gru from Despicable Me, it turns out the yellow blobs have worked for much worse people, and likely done things much nastier than a child should ever be aware of.

Resurfacing like a celebrity’s offensive tweets from 10 years ago is the Minions’ time working under Genghis Khan during his notorious reign of terror. Thank you to /u/Onepercentcookie for their role in helping to take down these monsters.

There’s always talk of turning children’s cartoons and characters into gritty adult dramas, and it’s about time we saw the Minions put on the stand at The Hague to defend themselves from centuries of crimes against humanity. And I’m sorry Kevin the Minion, “banana” is not a good reason for allowing a despot to reign with violence.

The International Criminal Court counts the majority’s of the world’s countries as signatories and members, with Mongolia joining the Rome Statue in 2003. The Minions could, however, flee to another nation such as Myanmar or South Sudan to avoid extradition.

The comments section did however manage to clarify something important: The Minions did not have a role in Adolf Hitler’s rise and reign, nor did they take part during any genocide in the 20th century. The writers conveniently addressed this by giving them an alibi of being frozen in an ice cave. Yeah sure, that’ll do.

The Minions were also nowhere to be seen during the conflict in Vietnam, nor have they expressed any objection to the recent overturn of Roe v. Wade. The world’s eyes are now on you to step up.

The yellow monstrosities will be returning to cinemas soon, with Minions: The Rise of Gru opening in cinemas July 1.